Labels: keep the smile.I miss mum so much..
nothing really happenned..but i just feel soo..
i dunno how to describe..
i hate the feeling without her.
and esp when i need my families and they are not there..
it really feels so helpless.
and i dont want to sms my mum or call her..i dont want to tell her how i feel, because i know she will be worried and heartbroken. i still rmb the chinese new year scene. its so heartbreaking..i cried like nobody's business.just cant ctrl it, as much as i want to. esp in front of mum. so..mum cried with me. and she hit me on my back, saying. :
"why must u cry? u are already so big..!"
i noe mum is a really strong woman and the fact that she is crying with me like that is...i just saw the side of mum which she had been trying to hide from me for the past years that i was studying here.
yupps..so i dint want to tell mum wad i am feeling cuz she'll be worried sick because she cant see me and dont noe wad exactly happened to her precious daughter.
i can only keep my tears to myself.and sometimes its really so tired..
i have to be independant for everything. i have to continue to stand up, even if i am really at my lowest point.
sometimes..close ppl are there for me..but nothing can replace wad is not there. hmm..maybe it just makes me feel comforted there is another kind of love there for me.
now that i reflect back, i laugh at how i amuse myself..trying to make myself feel happier. so funny.haha.
i asked myself a lot of times. do i regret leaving my parents and coming here to study..? each time its remains a qn mark. i am not able to give a perfect ans.each side have their own arguments.
but today smt struck me. i have just lost nearly nearly 8 years of my life that i could have spent with my parents. minus the hols, that'll be 7 years. time with them is becoming shorter and shorter. i see white hairs on their heads. and i see them not as alert and energetic as when they were younger.
i ought to regret my choice. why cant i strive for my future and have my parents at my side at the same time?
i can make smt big even if i study at indo..
so what if i have what i have today. that is at the expense of leaving my parents. i dont know if its worth it..
i always think that singaporeans dont really have a childhood. like since young they are already living in such a hectic society.and dont really get to play kampong games and stuff..BUt , do i myself have a childhood?? frm 1 yrs old to 9 yrs old----have. from 9 to 15---........maybe not..
what is chldhood without your parents by your side..what is childhood when u have to cry every single new year. what is childhood when a young child have to miss her fam like shit and all she can do is cry.
alright. enough of everything. lol. i must have sounded so pathetic and such a crybaby.haha. crying and writing a post at the same time.but i think the only think that can make me cry easily is fam ba. haha.
:):):):):):):):):) BUT dont worry friends! i have finished ranting.lol. and i still have my happy side!haha. this is such an emo sun morn. lol.
